I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its not stalking. its research.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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