hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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