how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
