32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
