i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
