Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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