I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
