once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
