Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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