That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize