My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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