Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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