We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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