i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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