You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
