Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
