I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
