If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
