he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize