Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
