batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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