I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
