It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
