something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
