Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He felt like a one man threesome
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
