I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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