The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
