Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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