First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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