I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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