I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
