You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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