And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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