I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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