Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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