my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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