If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
