Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
