I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
