i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
