ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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