and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
