New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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