I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
