I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
