Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
