It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
