It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
