So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
