I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
