She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
