you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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