so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
