So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
