I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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