Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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