I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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