3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
