Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
