Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
