I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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