oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
