she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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