I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
