So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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