Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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