Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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